Tuff

Why is it so hard to get your mind off of food when you aren’t even hungry? Now that I can chew on the right side of my mouth again (the left side is still not working great) all I want is some stupid queso again. Oh boy. We have no money either, so I can’t just go get some.

I worked out this morning and I think I did a pretty good job of working out intensely and pumping more iron than usual. I have worn a pair of jeans this week that I haven’t worn in almost 3 years, I think. It felt so good to have those on and go out and feel good about myself. I still want to lose another 10 pounds to really bump up my wardrobe choices, but this weight that I am at right now seems to be my hovering point. I seem to want to stay right here and not budge.

So, I guess I’ll eat some healthy choice pasta bowl thingy tonight…maybe.

Update

So, I think it was 5 weeks ago that I stated my weight of 176.6 pounds. I have officially lost 6 pounds. Today I weighed 170.6 and it feels lovely! I still have to lose 10 pounds to reach my first goal of 160, and I wanted to reach that goal by Thanksgiving, which is in about 4 1/2 weeks, so that would mean lots of hard work ahead! I am still going to go for it, so hopefully 4 Saturdays from now I will be at least 162, or something like that. We shall see! Oh, and I know I said something about putting another picture on here monthly, but I wanna wait a bit longer so the picture looks a little bit more obvious in it’s changed-ness. YEAH for 6 pounds!!!!!

Inspiration

So, there is a young woman that I see every now and then. When I see her I am 100% commited to keeping my diet and exercise program. She’s one of those young people that hasn’t had kids yet, and has money and is gorgeous. Whenever I see her I am reminded of my former self. I see myself when I was 20 and skinny and full of self-confidence; not at all intimidated by other attractive ladies. I truly didn’t care what people thought about me, and that was partially because I was hot stuff, but mostly just confident. I understand that now. I still don’t really care what people think about me, but it is more of a bitter feeling these days, accompanied with thoughts like, “you have 3 kids and see what your stomach looks like, ya jerk.” I hate admitting this, but I miss the feeling of guys checking me out. They don’t do that anymore. When I say I miss that, it’s not attention I’m looking for, or any kind of interaction, I just miss having my appearance validated by people who owe me no validation. Ugh! Do I sound vain, or what?!

So, this chick that I see every now and then…well, I actually used how I feel when I see her today to keep me from getting a big mac, and it worked! I ate great for lunch. Maybe this is going to be the thing that does it for me. She just reminds me of the confidence that I once had, and that I really do want to have again. Just to make myself clear, I’m not trying to be super skinny again and trying to capture that same care-free feeling I had. I am looking for my old friend confidence. Who knows, maybe I’ll achieve it before I’m 30! That would be awesome!

FA

FA is a real thing. I looked it up online, but I am pretty sure I am not that bad. I could benefit more from WW, probably. There are meetings almost everyday! I don’t think I am quite addicted to food, but I am definitely an emotional eater. For every action there is a well-earned food, right? HA! We are working on it, people.

My big sissy and her boy went back home today. We had a good time. I wish we could all be together for Christmas! That would be so awesome!

Well, I am on my way to the YMCA now, and I will see you kids later!

Holla

So, I have been doing excellent in the food department over the past couple days. At the moment I am really over the food that I once craved.  I can’t truly enjoy them, anyway, because of my teeth falling apart. I am concerned that all my teeth will soon have root canals and crowns. Maybe I should just cave in and go for the dentures now. Seems cheaper and easier than all I’ve been going through lately!

I might even work out today! We are going to a hole in the wall give you very bad stomach pains Mexican restaurant tonight in honor of my sister being in town and you have to eat Pancho’s at least once every couple years just to remind your stomach who’s boss. Or is it reminding your toilet?

I love when I stay on track because I ALWAYS see results on the scale. As long as I stick to the program, I lose weight. It’s a simple thing, and yet so challenging at times. A few months back I lost about 20 pounds, and a few girls at church were like, “wow, how are you doing this?” I responded while wincing “diet and exercise” and they all proceed to tell me, “oh, that’s not what we wanted to hear.” I love that! It makes me feel so good about how hard I worked. I achieved a formidable goal, and I intend to swipe another 20 lbs from my life! The last time it only took me about 8 weeks, and I know that once you get closer to your goal it becomes harder to lose the weight, but I think if I could do now what I was doing then, I will get to my original goal here to hit 160 by Thanksgiving. That’s 12 pounds in 6 weeks; 2 pounds a week. Hmm, could be challenging, but I know that it is possible!

Let’s do this!!!! (<— grunted in a menacing, MMA fighter type voice)

Ugh

I have made some very poor decisions the past several days, but I am looking forward now, and I am going to finish today proudly. That is all I can do! I KNOW that working out and eating less makes me lose weight, it’s just applying those two things!! Both of them everyday! I have to do this. I believe that the shape and size I am is not obese. It’s fairly healthy. I can get around and be active. I just hate how I look. My perspective on how I look is not okay. I have a lot of work to do, not just the food and exercise thing, either. I have a lot of inner demons to vanquish, and it’s going to take some time, but I have to be willing to do that! I often think about my Dad and his weight, and the fact that he is getting closer to 60 everyday, and I wonder just how many years he has left. If he would just snap out of it and eat right and exercise regularly, he would lose the weight and need less medication. I wonder sometimes, why can’t he just see the detrimental state he is in and kick his butt into gear? Then I have to stop and ask myself why I don’t care when I am shoveling McDonalds into my body (which I don’t even like anymore). Trevor commented this weekend that he could just taste how bad it was for him, and I had to agree. I WILL change my way of thinking, and be happy. I have to! How dare I judge my father’s choices, when mine are no better. I just haven’t made those same choices as many times as he has. He does have 30 years on me.

So, cheers (with water, of course) to changing your way of life for the better!

Will be eating lots of Papa John’s tonight.

I just want to feel okay with myself, and not have eating issues.

Today has been mentally taxing, and I am worn out. I want to have more options to eat than soup and pancakes. I will choose pancakes 99 times out of 100.

Don’t skip the dentist, or your life will SUCK!

I hate being in this mood.

Bite me

So, I am still recovering from last week’s root canal, and my back left molar that got a crown almost 2 months ago, is still sore. While you would think that limiting my diet like this would help the weight loss goals, I am sad to report that it has driven me back into bad habits. All I want it comfort food because I am frustrated that I can’t eat crunchy or super chewy stuff. I cannot even comfort myself with queso because the best part about queso is the chips! I can’t eat chips!

I am grateful for having friends that I can confide in, too. Yesterday I was feeling out of sorts, and a friend prayed for me. I know that God is real because of all He has done in my life. I know that He brings people together that He knows will build each other up. That is what I needed yesterday. I needed someone to build me up, and encourage me and that is just what she did. I was able to snap out of it, and play with my sons in the backyard for a few hours and had fun the whole time. I let go of the TV remote, stepped out of the kitchen and managed to enjoy the weather that all of Houston craves. I am so glad that I got a chance to take advantage of that time, instead of missing out because I couldn’t tear my eyes away from some dumb TV show. Thanks friend.

Weight Update

So, 2 weeks ago I started at 176.6, and today I weighed in at 172.4 pounds. I have lost 4.2 pounds! I probably could have dropped a couple more if I had been super disciplined and only eaten “diet” foods, but I am trying to do this the healthy way and change my idea of food, not just crash diet. So I am happy with 4.2 pounds! Hopefully next week I’ll be down another pound or two! YEAH!

We are going to Dobie Fest today at Dobie High School. There will be inflatables and a carnival type atmosphere that is lots of fun for the kiddos. And, it’s gorgeous outside!